There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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