So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
