We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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