He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
