I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
