i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
