You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize