How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
