Will you blow on my dice?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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