She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
