you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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