So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
