I just gift wrapped bread.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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