I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
