I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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