glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Vodka?
Forever.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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