I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
