Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
