so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
and i looked up. we had an audience...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
