You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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