North Korea, Best Korea!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
