im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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