i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize