and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
