What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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