I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
