I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
