Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
