if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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