Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize