I wish I could punch you in the face.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
There r osticjed everywhere
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
