His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
