well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
