somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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