plz talk dirty to me
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
