Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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