I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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