Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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