I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
So squirting runs in the family.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
