she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize