Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
