i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
