good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
