used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
