she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
