I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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