he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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