I hope mine doesn't look like that
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Randomize
