it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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