We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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