Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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