He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
