im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
