This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
