he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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