Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
