come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
