I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
