he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
