You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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