I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
