his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize