there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
