why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Randomize
