this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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