dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
