I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
