Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
