My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
