How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
